Dogs, Are You Serious?
by Simplicity-Shitsuboku
Summary: Were they normal? No, not at all. On their first night at their new house, Scarlet and Selina find a box of dogs. Not just a normal box with two or three regular puppies in it- they found one with ten multicolored canines. At that a new adventure is started in the city of New Orleans. Fun right? Wrong. HidanxOC ItachixOC
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING:  
****This fanfiction has OOC and randomness born from Simplicity-Shitsuboku's mind and partially from her muse's. There is seriousness and things that are realistic or based off of real life events, but not boring. There will be *Oh-so lovely* gore, but not overly so.  
Pussy discretion is advised.**

_Flashbacks_  
**"Black Zetsu"  
**_Thoughts  
__**Author's Notes**__  
_Footnotes*  
**(POV Change)**

* * *

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"I said yes Jashin dammit!"

"I said no!"

"Why the fuck can't I get drunk!"

"Because Scarlet, we barely have enough money to move out!"  
The two young adults paused before Scarlet doubled over laughing.

"We sound like Hidan and Kakuzu," gasped out the laughing 21 year-old. The other 21 year-old tugged on her white hair and giggled a little.

"We do," Scarlet brushed her finger under her eye to mock wipe away the tears that weren't there and put on the Puppy Pout of Doom.

15 notches on the Cuteness Meter.

"Selina?" Selina visibly flinched at the P.P.D. No one could withstand its power, "We're going drinking, right?"

"..Right…"

Scarlet skipped out side of Selina's aunt's apartment and into the cool Louisiana night air. Selina sighed and grabbed the keys to her Hummer- a present from her overly rich and half-blind prune of a grandmother- before jogging outside to catch up to Scarlet. Scarlet would be crying tomorrow, especially since they had to be at work by 7:30 in the morning.

**(Normal POV- Scarlet)**

Selina shook me awake. I grumbled about being woken up and glared at the croissant-eating offender.

"The damn Sun needs to go die for five minutes."

Selina deadpanned, "It's your fault for getting hung-over."

"Shut up."

I heard Selina sigh as I curled back into a ball. She always told me I needed to lay off alcohol since I couldn't hold it, but I knew that to be able to hold your liquor you needed to drink it. That's why her warning was sent off to the back of my mind.

_I had decided I wanted to have a lot of liquor at my twenty-first birthday party. Selina had tried to sway me but I'm super damn stubborn and proud of it. After the guests had left Selina got stuck with a drunk me. The alcohol had started to fade from my system so I had a growing headache. I then decided to express my pain through song._

_"Medicine. Medicine. Ooh medi, medi, medi, medicine! _

_Bum ba dum dum dum_

_I need some medicine,_

_really bad._

_Gotta headache and it's_

_really sad._

_Gimme sunglasses and_

_close the curtains._

_Turn down the music and_

_stop yellin' in mah ear!"_

_"Scarlet, you're off tune."_

_"Shut up ho!"_

It was a memorable time in the least, well to Selina. _I _don't remember any of it; she filled me in on the details and wrote down the song. Selina parked her car and stepped out. She walked to the other side of the car and opened my car door, sending me to the ground.

"Why is the ground so mean to me?"

"Get up or we're going to be late." I grumbled but stood up and followed Selina inside. Selina worked in the Catering Department as the first chef and I was the Associate Veterinarian at the Audubon Zoo. Today was the day we got our last pay checks before moving. We had lived with Selina's aunt ever since we had moved to New Orleans and now we were moving to a big house out in the bayou. I had sensitive ears and because of that I don't sleep easily, especially in the middle of the city. I tied my bright red hair into a pony tail and dry swallowed some pain meds after I changed into my uniform. _That's what you get for leaving your uniform here, _I walked into the veterinarian's office and got to work.

Stupid day needed to go faster.

**_Hell-o everybody! After all this time I'm finally publishing a fanfic on here! This is probably not going to be the best fic you've ever read, but I will try not to make it stink. Also, sorry to those of you who are not fans of swearing, but there will be more seeing as Hidan is in this. Time for the question of the chapter!_**

**_QotC: How long have you been on FF?_**

**_~SS~_**


	2. Chapter 2

**Text Meanings**

_Italics- ? speaking  
_**Bold- ? speaking  
_Bold Italics- me butting in_**

* * *

Chapter 2

"Finally! We can look at the house now!" Selina smiled at my enthusiasm and unlocked the car.

"Remember, we can't complain about the house because my," she shudders, "_grandmother _is so kind to have bought it for us."

I smiled at her distaste. "You don't have to talk nice about the prune when she's not here."

"It's practice for not insulting her in front of her."

Ever since her grandmother had noticed Selina's lack of dating she'd been setting her up on blind dates with her many employees' kids. All of these guys had at least one majorly creepy feature about them, not in which case that prune cared. _Some of them were twice her age for Jashin's sake!_ I stifled laughter at the other thoughts that floated by. _I think that the one with webbed toes was my favorite. There was some really freaky shit going there. _Selina glared at me.

"What the fuck! Did you read my mind or something?"

"No, you spoke out loud," a few seconds after that, I saw a butterfly fly by. I smiled as a familiar saying came to mind.

"They say that a butterfly flapping its wings could cause a whirlwind in another dimension," I heard Selina snort at that.

Little did we know that something just as crazy would happen because of that little butterfly.

**~3rd Person ~  
**- **? ? **Point of View-

A tornado of all things had just destroyed a part of a forest in the Ninja World. It was strange, it appeared out of nowhere, destroyed a couple of acres of trees, and disappeared. Though near the edge of the destroyed forest was a (now demolished) little cottage. Living inside of the ruined cottage was a witch. She was getting older and as she got older she got meaner.  
**Judging by her age of 149- well, you should be able to figure that out.  
**_Shut up and let me continue!_**  
I understand prick! Don't get an attitude or else you'll get a punch to the yarbles!  
**_I will ignore that comment because I'm a girl. Back to the story._

So while she was fuming to herself, the one-and-only Akatsuki appeared. They had been holding a major meeting on their plans that would take over a week so they had to all come to meet at a single spot. They couldn't hold their - for that long of a time.

**Those are the mirage thingies right?  
**_Yes, they are.  
_**I'll punch you in the yarbles if you keep talking to me like that!  
**_Audrey you idiot, you can't even make a fist!  
_**Shut up!  
_Both of you quit it. Minty, continue with the story already.  
_**_Yes ma'am._

Anyways, they went out to see what that mysterious tornado was.

"What the fucking hell was that?!" Three guesses who, the first one doesn't count.

"Obviously it was a twister, you Neanderthal." Sasori was not very happy to be here. It was hard enough dealing with the brat, but now he was stuck with the entire Akatsuki. The only thing interesting was the fact that they'd seen Leader-sama for the first time.

"Shut the fuck up puppet fucker!" Everyone then turned out the angry Jashinist's ranting.

"It was not a normal tornado." Some of the more expressive members turned in shock at the sound of the raven-haired man's voice. Kisame grinned at his partner before frowning at the downed trees.

"Itachi is right- something wasn't natural about this one. There are never any tornados in this area, let alone the fact anything that fast isn't natural."

Pein looked over the destruction with an expression that revealed nothing. His eyes quickly met with his female companion and an unspoken agreement was spoken. There had been an odd chakra threaded throughout the cyclone, but it had been suppressed by something. The snapping of a twig had the S-rank criminals turning to their lefts.

The old witch from earlier was now giving the ninjas the stink eye, clearly not happy.

**Yeah, we kind of got that already.  
**_I'm ignoring you._

"What do you want, un?" Our blond bomber questioned, only glancing up at the hag for a few seconds before grimacing and turning his attention back to the clay sculpture he was working on. She ignored the blond and turned her attention to the Akatsuki's leader.

"You…"

Pein quirked an eyebrow at the woman.

"Me."

Her scowl deepened (Was that even possible?) at his reply. Pointing a crooked finger at him, she smiled. Well, it was more like she was trying to intimidate a wild animal with her horrid cause of gum disease.

"You are the one that caused the storm," she croaked, all while continuing her gum show. Some of the Akatsuki twitched at the fact she was obviously unhygienic. Kakuzu shook his head and glared at the witch.

"We had nothing to this, woman. Mind who you're talking to," the woman snarled and spit at his feet, much to the disgust of all the members. What the hell did she eat to make it green? As Kakuzu's hand detached itself and flew at the woman she let out indiscernible yell followed by a flash of light blue and black that engulfed the nine men and one woman.

All of their final thoughts before they passed out were jumbled, but they all had one coherent thought in common.

They were going to _kill _that witch.

* * *

**_Hey everyone! I'm hopefully going to get this out on December 24, Christmas Eve. I hope everyone had a wonderful "end of the world" on the 21. I don't know about you, but I was fighting zombies the entire day. Some people just don't know how to stay dead. *grins* I know that I didn't upload very quickly, but I've had quite the hard time lately. I don't want to expand on this, so…yeah. Sorry 'bout the shortness!_**

**_Answer to the QotC: I've been on this site for about a year and a month._**

**_QotC: What is your favorite fanfic genre?_**

**_~SS~_**


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